Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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