the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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