and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
