Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
