My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
