He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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