So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You took a bar mat shot.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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