oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
