She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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