Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
