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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize