my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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