All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
