This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
