and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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