we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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