omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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