Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize