your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
