I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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