Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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