so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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