i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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