I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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