Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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