I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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