Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
