i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
