my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
