well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
