So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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