Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
