She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize