every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
