I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
