My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
