I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize