So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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