The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
