i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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