The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
