oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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