he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
