after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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