i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
