Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
