I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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