Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My life is pants optional.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
