if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
