Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize