I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
