Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
