he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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