he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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