The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
