Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
