in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
