his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize