Three words: puerto rican gang bang
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
