Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
