So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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