Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
