My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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