you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
