No awkward lesbian experiences without me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
