you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
