Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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