Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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