I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I love you.
Bad choice
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
