I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
