Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
