I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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