Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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