Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
