A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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