if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
