how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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