And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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