You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
