She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
