so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
