I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
