i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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