the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
