Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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