Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize