i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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