i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
