We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
