I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
