would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
