the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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