Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
