Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
