Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
