First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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