Plan B is the new Plan A
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
