I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
