my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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