There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
