I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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