How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
