There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
