One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
