Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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